That was me
by MissyMo2005
Summary: Nadia reminds Erin of her past, sending her running to Jay for comfort.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wrote this last night when I couldn't sleep- I don't think it's much good so I apologise! I own nothing. ******************************************

She wasn't sure what had made her think Nadia would still be at her apartment when she got home from work. She should have known better, but it didn't make it hurt any less. For a few seconds she'd hoped she was going to walk out of the bedroom, but she was facing the reality that she wouldn't be able to help Nadia the way Voight had helped her. She sat on the edge of the unmade bed, head her in hands wondering what to do. She couldn't just sit in her apartment all night and stress over the fact that she'd failed. She pulled her phone out of her pocket as it buzzed, smiling as she saw a text from Jay. 'Molly's?' Maybe a drink and some company was what she needed. She got up off the bed, glancing around the empty apartment again before heading for the door.

She very nearly turned around and left again as she walked in to Molly's, it was packed full of people and she started to wonder if she would have been better off staying at home with a beer and a bar of chocolate. She knew she'd spend all night worrying about Nadia if she stayed home though, so instead she pushed her way through the crowded bar to where she could see Halstead and Antonio. They both smiled at her as she finally reached them. She halfheartedly smiled back at them, again wondering if this was a good idea. "Hey, everything ok?" Jay asked her as she sat down, looking concerned. He'd always been able to read her like a book, they'd been partners for so long they just knew when something was up. She shrugged at him "Ask me when I've had a drink." She replied. Jay nodded, sensing the subject was closed, at least until she'd had a few drinks. Erin lost count of how many drink she'd had that night. No one had questioned why she was drinking so much to her face, but there had been a few raised eyebrows between Halstead and Antonio. She was hoping the alcohol would numb the pain, drown the memories but it wasn't having any impact.

Erin finished her last drink as the bar started to close. She hadn't even realised how late it had got. Everyone else had made their excuses and headed home a while ago, Antonio telling Jay to look after Erin before he'd left. Erin put her jacket on and went to stand up, grabbing hold of the table, the alcohol had had more of an effect on her at all. Jay put his arm around her waist to hold her up, slowly walking towards the door with her. "Did you drive?" He asked, peering down at her. She nodded at him, she hadn't been planning to drink this much. "Give me your keys." He held out his hand for the keys, causing Erin to roll her eyes at him. "I hate it when you drive!" She complained, reluctantly handing the keys over.

"You're never driving again, lets get that straight right now!" Erin said as he pulled up outside her apartment. Jay just laughed, he wasn't about to get into that argument again. "If you say so! Come on, lets get you a coffee!" He said, climbing out of the car. He'd decided to just invite himself in, there was something bugging her and he just didn't feel right about leaving her on her own. He held his hand out to her as she walked around to his side, smiling as she took it and they began to walk up the steps together. They were both silent as they walked in to her apartment, Jay heading into the kitchen to make the coffee he'd promised her and Erin sinking down on the sofa, drawing her knees up to her chin. She'd thought going out for a drink would help cheer her up, but it had only made her feel worse. Erin flinched as Jay reached around from behind her to pass her the coffee, she'd almost forgotten she wasn't alone. Jay hadn't missed the fact she'd flinched. He was trying to piece together what was going on with her. Voight had split them, leaving Jay to work with Antonio, so he'd hardly had a chance to talk to her at work. There was definitely something wrong, he just needed to work out what. He sat down next to her silently, studying her face as she drank her coffee. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he knew the chances of her telling him straight up were next to none. He'd have to be patient, she'd tell him eventually. They were always there for eachother.

They sat there in silence for what felt like forever, the only sounds the ticking of the clock and Erin sipping at her coffee. The more time that went by the more worried Jay was getting. He'd seen Erin drunk before, she usually ended up singing and dancing, not sitting in the corner silently. He'd told himself he'd be patient but he wasn't sure how much longer he could just sit and say nothing. He was just about to open his mouth when Erin stretched out to put the now empty mug on the table. She looked up at him, and as she did he could tell she wasn't going to find the answer to this problem in the bottom of a beer bottle. Jay carried on looking at her, gently stretching his hand out to take hers, just as he had done weeks ago at the reunion. As he took her hand he saw her eyes fill with tears, before she quickly ducked her head, trying to hide behind her hair. Without letting go of her hand Jay scooted closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. He didn't need to say anything, he just held her while she cried.

He wasn't sure how long they'd sat there, her head tucked in against his neck, his arms wrapped around her, gently stroking her hair. Eventually she stopped sobbing and looked up at him. "I'm sorry." She whispered, feeling a bit embarrassed. Jay squeezed her tightly, handing her a tissue. "S'okay… You want to talk about it?" He asked hesitantly, not sure if this would upset her even more. He waited for a second, letting out a sigh of relief as he felt her nod. There was a few moments silence before Erin drew in a shaky breath and spoke. "Do you remember Nadia?" She asked him. Jay though for a second, before he remembered the woman Erin was talking about but Erin didn't wait for him to answer her. "I… I gave her my card…. Told her to call me if she wanted out….. She called me…. I'd found her a place in rehab, starting tomorrow…. But I got home today and she…. she was gone… and I just…. If Voight hadn't…. That was me….." She turned her head back towards his chest, the tears flowing freely down her face again. She cried even more as she felt Jay's arms tighten around her. "Shhh… It's ok Erin…. You can't save them all." He didn't really know what he could say to comfort her. He didn't know much about her life, only the little that she'd told him, but he could see how much this was hurting her and all he wanted to do was make it better for her. "I'm sor-" Erin started to whisper again, she couldn't believe she'd sat and told him all of this. Before she could even finish her apology her cut her off. "Erin, you don't have to keep apologising to me! You've been there for me before, I owe you one… Besides we're partners, it's just what we do." Erin smiled slightly, it was nice to know he was there for her.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: thanks for the reviews guys, I'm not sure why but it keeps taking my paragraph spacing out when I upload so I'm sorry it keeps coming out as one big chunk of text. Enjoy, please review!_

Erin woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. She blinked as she was blinded by the sunlight, confused about how she'd ended up in her bed fully clothed. Then it hit her. What had happened with Nadia, the shot after shot she'd downed at Molly's last night. She felt her cheeks flush as she remembered sobbing in Jay's arms. She usually managed to hold herself together, but what had happened had really got to her. She lay in her bed for a while. She was exhausted, she hadn't slept well. All the memories that she tried so hard to suppress had come flooding back, leading to some awful nightmares. She very nearly screamed as her bedroom door creaked open. It hadn't even occurred to her that Jay might still be here. "Sorry, I thought you'd still be sleeping." He smiled apologetically as he took in her startled expression. He held out a coffee and a couple of painkillers which she gladly accepted.

Jay perched on the edge of the bed next to her. "How you doing?" He asked her, looking concerned. Erin didn't really know what to say to him. "Killer hangover..." She replied, knowing he hadn't been meaning her hangover at all. Jay frowned as she brushed off his question. "You know that wasn't what I meant Erin.." He looked at her, waiting for her to speak, his frown deepening as Erin avoided eye contact and got out of bed. "Thanks for last night Jay, but I'm fine. I need to get going, got lots to do today." Erin said, her back to him as she headed in to the bathroom. Jay could tell she was trying to get rid of him. "Ok, but call me if you need anything?" He called through to the bathroom. He saw her head nod in response before he got up and left.

Erin felt bad as she heard the apartment door shut. Jay had been an absolute saint last night, but she just needed some time alone. She stripped out of her clothes and got in to the shower, hoping the hot water would help her relax a bit. She hadn't slept particularly well, she'd had nightmares nearly all night, and she was exhausted. She stood in the shower with her head rested against the wall as the warm water flowed over her body. She was used to dealing with junkies, they dealt with a staggering amount as part of the intelligence unit, but there was something about Nadia in particular which reminded Erin of herself. She did everything possible to avoid her past, she told no one about it and threw herself in to her work. Seeing Nadia brought back all kinds of memories, but what frightened her most was the fact that if Voight hadn't helped her, she'd probably be out there with Nadia.

Jay was sat at home, staring at a tv programme he wasn't watching. He was worried about Erin. She sat and cried for hours last night without giving him any real explanation. He knew things with Nadua had dragged up memories of her past she would rather have kept buried, but she wouldn't tell him what it was that had upset her so much. After he'd carried her through to bed she'd thrashed around in her sleep, crying and calling out. He'd hoped she'd talk to him about it, but she'd been in such a hurry to get rid of him, there was no way she was going to tell him what was happening.

Jay woke at 1am to the sound of someone knocking on the door. Half asleep he walked to the door, shivering as the freezing air rushed in. He abruptly woke up as he took in the scene in front of him. Erin stood there, wearing only a thin jacket, tears streaming down her face. "Erin?" He whispered. Without saying anything Erin came in to the apartment, burying her face in Jay's chest as he wrapped his arms around her, kicking the door shut. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her quietly, not letting go of her. "I just didn't want to be on my own." She whispered quietly. Jay took her hand wordlessly, leading her back through the apartment. He was about to leave her to get some rest in his bed when she grabbed hold of his arm. "Stay, please." She whispered, so quietly he wasn't sure she'd actually said it. He slipped in to the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her as she curled up beside him. He laid there listening to her breathing even out as she fell asleep, wondering what he could do to help her with whatever was going on.


	3. Chapter 3

Jay was exhausted, he'd laid awake all night worrying. Erin had been restless, calling out in her sleep and thrashing around. At one point she'd woken up and cried, refusing to tell Jay why. He'd done the only thing he could, held her tight and tried to comfort her. Until she was willing to talk to him then there was nothing else he could do. He looked down at his partner, who was curled up against his side, her hand rested on his chest. He'd expected to find her asleep, but she was awake, staring up at him. She gave him a sleepy smile as he met her eyes. "Thank you." She said quietly. She couldn't believe how brilliant he'd been, no questions asked, he was always there for her. The fact he was such a lovely guy made it even more difficult to fight her feelings for him.

They both stayed laying in the bed for a while, neither of them had slept much and they were exhausted. They were silent, each deep in thought. Jay was trying to work out how to get Erin to open up. Watching her fall apart last night had scared him, she was always so strong, he knew what was going on in her head was bad. He also knew if he pushed too hard she wouldn't tell him anything, he was going to have to be patient, but it was painful to watch someone he cared about so much struggle. He subconsciously tightened his arms around her as he thought. Erin had said she wanted to keep things professional, as much as he wished they weren't he was going along with it. But lying in his bed with her next to him, he was wishing more than ever they could be something more. They were so good together, they understood exactly what the other was thinking and they were always there for each other. Sighing quietly he unwrapped his arms from her, getting out of bed. As much as he wanted to stay there with her forever, it was time to get back to reality.

A little while after Jay had got up, Erin came out of the bedroom and sat at the kitchen table wordlessly. Jay smiled at her, handing her a mug of coffee and some toast. They sat opposite each other silently. Jay was trying to think what to say. He wanted to talk about what had happened, but he didn't want to upset her again. She seemed much happier and he didn't want to ruin it. Eventually Erin broke the silence. "Thank you for last night, I'm sorry I can't explain it, I will one day...just not now." She looked up at Jay as she finished speaking. She felt awful for crashing in to his apartment in the middle of the night and giving him no explanation but she just couldn't bring herself to relive everything again. Jay nodded and smiled. "Anytime, you know I'm always here for you... Even if we are being professional..." He teased, feeling relieved when she laughed. He'd hated seeing her upset.

Erin laughed at his comment. They'd agreed to keep it professional, but neither of them really wanted too. The fact that Jay had been the first person she'd gone to when things were tough had only highlighted how good they could be together. She'd felt so safe laying in his arms last night, she wasn't sure she could keep it professional. Life was short, that had been proved when Jules had been killed. Surely they should seize the moment, after all she'd escaped the life Nadia was living. Surely she should be happy?

She was interrupted from her thoughts by the sound of Jay's chair scraping across the floor as he stood up. "I'm going to take a shower, help yourself to anything you want." He said, walking in to the direction of the bathroom. He needed some time to clear his head. Sitting there having breakfast had made him realise how much he wanted to wake up with her every morning, but she didn't want that, she wanted to keep things professional. Besides, he couldn't blurt this out to her, she had enough on her plate without him adding to it.

As she sat on Jay's sofa Erin started to wonder if she should leave before she did something stupid. She was about to get up and leave when Jay came back out of the bathroom. "You're leaving?" He asked, sounding disappointed. Erin shook her head, she didn't really want to even though she knew she should. Jay smiled as she sat back down, he didn't want her to go. He sat down on the sofa next to her, wondering what to say. Before he could decide how to tell her he wanted to be more than her partner, Erin spoke. "I take it back!" She blurted out, smiling slightly at the confusion which was evident on his face. "Being professional" she clarified. "I want more." Her heart was racing as she waited for Jay to say something. Jay wasn't sure if he'd heard her right. It had been her idea to keep things professional and now she was taking it back? He wasn't sure if she was even thinking straight, her behaviour over the last few days would certainly suggest otherwise. "Erin, I..." He started, realising she was waiting for an answer. "Never mind, I'm sorry." Erin muttered, feeling her cheeks flush. She jumped up to leave. She should have known he wouldn't feel the same, he probably thought she was insane. Jay got up, grabbing hold of Erin's hand. "Wait! Just hear me out... I want you to be sure that this is what you want... I don't want to ruin things..." He said quietly as she spun around to face him, her face inches from his. She looked at him for a second before she spoke. "This is what I want Jay, trust me." She whispered, placing her hands on his chest. She shivered as she felt his hands on her waist, brushing the exposed skin above the waistband of her jeans. She smiled, feeling his breath on her face and his stubble on her skin as their lips met.


	4. Chapter 4

The moment was short lived, the sounds of their phones ringing interrupting them. Jay groaned, reluctantly pulling away from Erin, to find a message from Voight telling him to get down to the district straight away, Erin had the same message. "He knows how to ruin a moment!" Jay complained, grabbing his jacket. Erin smirked at him, "I think you'll live! I'm driving!" She called, darting around him and out of the door. Jay laughed, as much as he wished she'd let him drive once in a while he was just glad she was happy, it was a relief to see her smile again.

His relief was short lived when they reached the district and he found out what the case was they'd been called in for. As he read the file, he glanced up at Erin trying to judge how she was taking it. His eyes met Voight's, who was also staring at Erin looking concerned. Shooting Halstead a quick glare Voight began to speak. "I need you out there, we need a witness. There's enough junkies on the streets around there that someone must have seen something. Let's move people. Lindsay, with Halstead. Dawson with me." Voight spun around and walked towards the door, the rest of the intelligence unit close behind him.

The car was deadly silent as Erin drove through town. Jay was looking at her, trying to judge how she'd taken it. This was the last thing she'd needed just after Nadia, to be confronted with more junkies, reminding her of what had happened. Erin could feel him looking at her, she knew what he was thinking, but she kept her eyes on the road. Maybe if she didn't look at him he wouldn't ask, and then she could continue to pretend that she was fine. They were still in silence when they reached their destination. As they got out of the car Erin realised her hands were shaking, she quickly shoved them deep in to her pockets. Jay frowned. "Erin?" He looked at her again, her face was a white as a sheet and he could see how tense she was. She flinched as he placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, let's just get this over and done with." She nodded in the direction of the street they were headed too. Jay nodded, giving her a quick smile before starting to walk.

It had taken hours, but eventually they'd found someone sober enough to remember where he'd been the night before and what he'd seen. They'd taken him back to the district with them, leaving Antonio and Voight to question him. Erin had been nearly silent all day, avoiding Jay's attempts to have a conversation with her. Jay was sat at his desk, sorting through the mountain of paperwork, when Antonio came in and told him and Erin to go home. They walked silently down the stairs and out of the district together. Jay raised his eyebrows in surprise as Erin climbed in to the passenger seat. As he started the car Erin finally spoke. "Can I come back to yours?" She asked quietly, praying that he would say yes. "Of course you can." Jay replied, squeezing her arm gently as he drove them back to his.

They sat there silently, the radio playing quietly in the background. Jay had more or less inhaled the Chinese food they'd picked up, having not eaten all day he was starving. Erin on the other hand was picking at hers rather disinterestedly. Jay placed his cutlery down, looking up at his partner. "Erin, talk to me?" He asked, he was worried, she was never this quiet, always teasing him about something. Erin placed her cutlery down and looked up at him. He could see the dark circles around her eyes, she looked exhausted. "I..." She started, but then realised she had no idea what to say. Jay stood up, taking her hand and leading her over to the sofa. They sat down, and as he wrapped his arms around her he smiled encouragingly. He knew she needed to talk about it, even if she didn't want to. Bottling it up wouldn't help, he knew from experience. As they sat on the sofa, Erin's head rested against his chest she finally spoke. "I keep thinking about what my life would be like if Voight hadn't saved me. I'd be out there now, just like Nadia is. I try and forget about it, pretend it never happened, but in reality that was me. A street kid... I'm so lucky that Voight found me..." She broke of at the end. Jay knew he wasn't going to get anymore from her. She didn't talk about her past, not even with him. There was more to it, he knew that, but at least it was a start. "I understand Erin, it's going to be ok." Jay whispered, pressing his lips to the top of her head. She squeezed his hand, thinking about how lucky she was to have him.

Jay frowned as his doorbell rang. It was late and he wasn't expecting anyone. He opened the door to find a rather irate looking Voight on the other side. "Have you heard from Lindsay?" Voight demanded, not even bothering to greet Halstead. Jay paused for a moment, unsure of what to say. The odds were Voight wasn't going to be happy and a huge confrontation was the last thing Erin needed. Before he had a chance to say anything Erin appeared behind him, giving Voight a questioning look. "I've been looking for you, your neighbour said he hadn't seen you in days?" Voight questioned. Erin shrugged, resting her hand on Jay's shoulder. "I've been staying here..." She told him. Jay wasn't sure if he should run and hide. Voight had already told him to stay well away from Erin, the glare Voight gave him certainly wasn't warm. Erin had noticed the glare too. "Before you say anything, I'm happy. Happier than I've been in a long time... You helped ne turn my life around Voight, don't you think I deserve to be happy?" Erin asked him quietly. Jay held his breath waiting for Voight's response, and preparing for Voight to hit him. Instead, Voight turned around and walked away, leaving Erin and Jay standing in the doorway confused about what had just happened.


	5. Chapter 5

Jay looked down at Erin, it was 2am and they were both wide awake. Erin was trying to keep herself awake, fearful her nightmares would return. Jay was worrying about what Voight was going to do to him. He knew there was no way Voight would leave it, Voight had never just left anything alone. They lay there in a comfortable silence, Jay's fingers trailing over Erin's skin. "I'll talk to Voight, don't worry about it." Erin said, her voice sounding loud as it broke the silence, despite the fact she whispered. Jay rolled on to his side to look at her. "Thank you, I can handle it... Whatever he does, it's worth it for this." He said, gently kissing her. "You can go to sleep you know, I'm here." He whispered against her skin. He felt Erin stiffen next to him. "How'd you know?" She asked quietly, she hadn't mentioned the nightmares to him. Jay smiled at her sadly. "When I came out of the military I didn't sleep for weeks... Every time I closed my eyes I could see it... Things I never wanted to see again... I understand... I know it feels like you're on your own, but I promise you I'm here. If you want to talk I will listen, if not then I will just be here." He whispered quietly.

Erin didn't know what to say. Jay's time in the military was like her past. Never mentioned, something they both desperately wanted to forget. She'd tried to ask him about it once and he'd shut her down almost instantly, so it surprised her that he was bringing it up. She felt her eyes fill with tears. She couldn't get the image of Nadia out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. She moved closer to Jay, her head rested on his chest as he tightened his arms around her, gently stroking her hair. He wished he could wave a magic wand and make it better for her, but he knew she needed time to deal with all the memories that had been dragged up. Until she was ready to talk he'd just be there for her, for whatever she needed, even if Voight was going to make his life hell.

They'd barely slept all night, Erin's constant tossing and turning had kept Jay awake. Jay had woken her up a couple of times during the night when she'd been screaming from her nightmares. He'd held her tight and reassured her she was safe, but everytime she closed her eyes the dreams came back to haunt her. What seemed like only hours later the alarm had gone off and they'd had to get ready for work. Erin was deathly pale, dark circles under her eyes. She was silent as Jay drive them both in to work, she hadn't even teased him about driving, just quietly getting in to the passenger seat.

When they arrived at the district they walked silently up the stairs, Erin gripping Jay's hand tightly. Antonio and Ruzek raised their eyebrows but Jay shot them a look which made it clear it wasn't a good time for discussion. They'd just sat down at the respective desks when Voight came up the stairs. He looked over at Erin and frowned. "My office Halstead." He barked at Jay, who slowly pushed his chair back and walked in to Voight's office, closing the door behind him.

Jay looked at Voight, trying to read his expression. He couldn't work out if Voight was angry or not, but the wanting to find out felt like forever. "Look Halstead, I made it pretty clear if you liked working in my unit you needed to keep it in your pants..." Voight started, Jay felt his heart sink, Voight was going to fire him. "I'm sor-" he started, knowing his apology would make no difference to Voight. "Will you let me finish?" Voight snapped, interrupting him. "I didn't approve, I don't really. Erin's like my daughter, if you knew what she's overcome to get here you'd understand... But she's hurting, and she's not going to talk to me... So you'd better be there for her Halstead... Because I swear to god if you hurt her or let anything happen to her they'll never even find your body. Got it?" Voight looked at Jay, waiting for an answer. Jay nodded, turning for the door.

They'd had a slow day at work, Jay and Erin spending the day catching up on paperwork. There was no doubt in Jay's mind that Voight was responsible for the two of them being stuck on desk duty, but he was actually glad despite the fact he hated paperwork. Erin wasn't in the right frame of mind to be dodging bullets, it was far too dangerous while her mind was on other things. Voight had gone out with the rest of the unit a few hours before, leaving Jay and Erin alone together. He'd tried to suggest that they go and get some lunch, but Erin had refused, burying her head in her paperwork. Voight had texted Jay a few times to check on Erin. Jay was surprised, he'd been expecting Voight to at least punch him, but he seemed to have taken it pretty well. He was just as worried about Erin as Jay was. Jay was just about to reply to Voight when Sargent Platt came up the steps. "Detective Lindsay? There's a young lady down stairs who wants to see you, says her names Nadia. Shall I bring her up?" She asked, looking confused at Jay's expression.


	6. Chapter 6

Jay turned and looked at Erin, who was staring silently at Platt. Jay looked at her, waiting for her to say something, but she didn't. He looked up at Platt. "I'll talk to her." He said, pushing his chair back and heading for the stairs. Platt raised an eyebrow, before heading back down the stairs. Jay was about to follow her down when Erin grabbed him. "I'll talk to her-" she started before Jay interrupted her. "are you sure that's a good idea?" He questioned. She knew he was right, Nadia had turned her life upside down, dragging up so much of her past she wanted to forget. "I need to do this." She said quietly, gently placing a kiss on his cheek before heading down the stairs.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs Nadia jumped up and came towards her. "Erin... I'm sorry..." Nadia started. Erin was wondering if Jay was right, she shouldn't be down here, it was only going to make things worth. "What do you want Nadia?" Erin interrupted, wanting her to cut to the chase. She didn't want to hear all the false apologies she'd given herself so many times before. Nadia hesitated, taking in Erin's facial expression. It was no where near the sympathetic, caring one she'd seen previously. "I'm sorry Erin... I want your help... I panicked... I didn't think I could do it... But I want to change my life..." She trailed off towards the end, waiting for Erin's response. Erin took a deep breath before she spoke. "What makes it any different this time Nadia? I did everything I could to help you. I took you in to my home! Don't try and tell me how hard it is- I'm well aware of that! But if you couldn't make it last time what makes you think you will this time? I honestly don't know if I have it in me to go through this again!" She could feel her eyes filling with tears, it had come out much harsher than she'd meant it too. She was exhausted and frustrated and she couldn't help it. She was about to apologise when Nadia spun around and walked out of the door, leaving Erin wondering what on earth she'd just done.

Erin flinched as she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Erin?" She spun around and buried her face in Jay's chest. "Come on, let's get you home." He wrapped his arm around her, leading her towards the door. Erin was suddenly very aware of the fact that everyone in the district was staring at her. She ducked her head, trying to hide the tears and quickly followed Jay out. She managed to hold it together until she got in to the car. "What have I done Jay?" She sobbed. He reached out and squeezed her arm gently, not knowing what he could say to offer her some comfort. He started the car, driving off quickly, wanting to get her home as fast as possible.

When they got back Erin sat on the sofa with him and cried. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted her to talk to Nadia, it had just made things even worse. "I'm such a bad person!" Erin whispered. "I don't deserve any of this, it should be me out there on the street. That's where I belong." She said, the thought of it breaking Jay's heart. He'd never seen her like this, she was usually so strong and independent, what had happened with Nadia had well and truly broken her. "You can't talk like that Erin. You tried to help her. You worked hard for the life you've got, you deserve this. No matter what you might think." He held her tight as he spoke. Erin was silent for a few minutes. "I could have done more. She asked for my help again and I sent her away. That makes me a terrible person... Voight took a hell of a lot worse from me... What if he'd given up as easily as me? Where would we be now? I've got to go find her!" She jumped up from the sofa, pushing Jay away and grabbed the car keys. She was out of the door before Jay could even speak, and she'd driven away by the time Jay got outside.

Jay paced around the apartment. Erin wasn't answering her phone and he was worried about her. Even being a cop, she wasn't safe wandering around those kind of areas alone at night. He rushed to the front door as he heard a knock. As he opened it Voight started yelling. "One job Halstead! Look after her! Was that too difficult for you? I mean for gods sake! Seriously! You just let her go and wander around amongst a bunch of junkies and thieves in the freezing cold and dark? Well done kid! Gold star for you!" Voight yelled. Jay hung his head, he'd felt bad enough without Voight reminding him. He was about to speak when Voight spoke again. "You'd better pray to god we find her and she's ok! Come on let's move!" With that Jay followed Voight back out of the apartment and to his car.

Jay shivered and pulled his jacket closer. It was freezing out. Him and Voight had split up, combing the various alleyways they'd thought Erin might look for Nadia in. The whole thing was giving him the creeps. He didn't like this area even in the day time. He was about to give up and turn around when he heard rustle. "Erin?" He called, praying it was her. He shone his torch in the direction the noise had come from. "Erin, thank god! Are you ok?" He rushed to her side. She was sat huddled up against the wall. "What happened?" He asked, taking off his coat and wrapping it around her. He quickly took out his phone and called Voight to let him know he'd found her. "Come on, let's get you home." He held his hand out to her, pulling her to her feet. He wrapped an arm around her waist, half carrying her out of the alley just as Voight came running towards them. "Erin? Are you ok? Talk to me!" Voight said as he reached them. Erin didn't acknowledge him, staring straight in to space. Voight and Jay exchanged a look of concern.

Erin was silent the while journey back to Jay's apartment. Jay was surprised he'd allowed Erin to go home with Jay. When they got in Erin went straight to bed, still not having said a word to Jay. He climbed in to bed next to her, wondering if she was asleep. He was just about to turn the light off when he realised she was crying, seeing her shoulders vibrating with the silent sobs. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "Talk to me Erin, please?" He begged. He hated feeling this helpless. After a few moments silence she whispered "I can't." Before rolling over so she was facing away from him.


	7. Chapter 7

Jay's eyes snapped open as he rolled over and felt the empty sheets next to him. He frowned as he saw the white piece of paper sat on the empty pillow next to him. 'Im sorry'. Jay felt his heat drop as he read the two words in Erin's familiar hand writing. He quickly grabbed his phone, dialing her number. He waited for her to answer but it went to voicemail. He left a message, begging her to call him back. He was worried about her, he was almost certain she would have gone out looking for Nadia. He wasn't sure what she was sorry for. Was she sorry for leaving, or was she meaning the whole thing between them had been a big mistake? He prayed to god it wasn't the second option.

Jay got up and got dressed, he paced around the apartment, trying to call Erin a few more times. He was just contemplating calling Voight when a number he didn't recognise called his phone. "Hello?" He answered, confused. "Hello, is that Jay Halstead?" The unknown voice on the other end of the phone questioned. Jay confirmed it was and they spoke again. "I'm calling from the ER at Lakeshore hospital. We have an Erin Lindsay here? She's asking for you." Jay's heart sunk, he hung up the phone and grabbed his keys.

He'd broken so many laws with his driving on the way to the hospital, but he honestly didn't care. The only thing that was on his mind was getting to Erin as fast as humanly possible. There were so many different scenarios running through his mind, each one worse than the last. The doctor had assured him Erin would be fine but he couldn't believe it until he saw her with his own eyes. When he reached the hospital, after what felt like forever, he quickly parked the car before running over to the ER. He was directed to Erin by a nurse, and felt the relief flood through him as he saw her sitting in the bed.

"Oh my god, Erin. What happened?" He questioned, gently wrapping his arms around her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding on so tight he didn't think she'd ever let go. "I'm so sorry Jay." She sobbed. Jay sat down on the bed, keeping a tight hold of her. "What happened Erin?" He asked quietly. He felt her draw in a shaky breath. "I went to look for Nadia again, she was in the alley were you found me... I thought maybe if I went back I could bring her home with me..." Jay nodded, he'd thought as much. "But I went down there and these two guys jumped me... The stole my phone and my purse... I tried to stop them..." She sobbed again. Jay tightened his arm around her, gently stroking her hair. "It's ok now, you're safe." He said quietly. He stayed calm on the outside, knowing Erin needed him to be. On the inside he was fuming, he was going to find those guys and teach them a lesson.

They were sat on the bed together quietly when the door slammed open. 'Im so dead.' Jay thought to himself as Voight rushed in to the room. "Are you ok Erin?" He asked, glaring at Jay. Erin nodded. "Good. Halstead. Outside. Now." Voight gestured towards the door, glaring at Halstead, who was seriously regretting not having called Voight. Jay reluctantly let go of Erin's hand and followed Voight out of the door, closing it behind him so Erin wouldn't hear. He prepared himself for Voight's inevitable rage. "What the HELL were you playing at?!" Voight spat at him. "You didn't even bother to call me?! Didn't you think I might want to know she was in the hospital?!" Voight stepped towards him, backing Jay against the wall. "I'm sorry!" Jay said, realising how weak his apology sounded. Voight was right, he should have called him. "That's it? That's all you got! I swear Halstead, if it wasn't for the fact it would upset Erin I'd kill you right here! You were supposed to look after her!" Jay winced as he felt Voight's fist connect with his face. He was about to say something but Voight was already striding down the corridor.

Jay walked quietly back in to Erin's room, wincing as he rubbed his jaw. Voight had quite a punch on him. Erin gave him a knowing look as he sat back down on the bed. "Just don't!" He laughed, knowing she was about to tease him. Erin started to laugh, wincing as the pain shot through her ribs. She squeezed Jay's hand reassuringly, seeing him panic. "I'm ok, really." She reassured him, seek his sceptical look. "I just want to get out of here." She said quietly. Jay nodded, hospitals were never a good place as a cop. The last time they'd been here was when they'd lost Jules. Jay wrapped his arms around her again, careful not to touch her ribs. "Promise me you'll talk to me? No more running off?" He asked her quietly. She'd scared him, disappearing like that and ending up in the hospital. He'd been patient with her, not pushing her to talk about the things she didn't want to, but that hadn't worked, so they needed to talk about it. "Promise" Erin whispered back to him, fighting against the tears welling in her eyes. She wasn't used to having someone she could talk to about things like this. Voight would try and help but he wasn't the emotional type, his solution usually involved kicking the crap out of someone. Jay smiled, "let's see about getting you home then!" Jay said, standing up to go and find a doctor.


	8. Chapter 8

Jay drove back to the hospital the next morning to check on Erin. The doctors had insisted on keeping her overnight, which hadn't surprised him. Despite the fact she refused to tell him what had happened, he could tell it was bad. She'd got stitches on her forehead, a bruise developing around her left eye and from the way she winced when she moved he was guessing her ribs hurt too. He walked through the hospital, holding the flowers he'd brought her, praying that Voight wasn't going to be there, he didn't fancy round two. Erin had her eyes closed as he entered the room, her face breaking in to a smile as she saw her partners. "Aww Jay, you didn't have to!" She said, stretching out to take the flowers from him. Jay didn't answer her for a moment, his eyes transfixed by the bruises around her arms. They were clearly hand prints where someone had grabbed hold of her. He looked up at her and smiled, shaking the image from his mind. "How you feeling today?" He asked her, gently taking her hand. She smiled at him. "I just want to go home." She said, Jay nodded. He'd noticed the way the smile hadn't touched her eyes. "I know, you will be soon." He said quietly, running his thumb over the back of her hand as she leant her head against his shoulder.

They had to wait a few hours for a doctor to come and discharge Erin, but eventually they found themselves back at Jay's apartment. He'd offered to go back to Erin's apartment with her, but she'd refused. When they got in, Erin went straight though to the bedroom and laid down, her head sinking back in to the pillows. She was exhausted, she hadn't slept properly in the hospital, everytime she closed her eyes it was like being back in that alley again, with that guy towering over her. Jay walked in to the bedroom silently, closing the door gently incase she was sleeping. "Erin?" He whispered, feeling awful as he saw her flinch. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He said quietly, laying down next to her. As Erin rolled over to look at him, her eyes filling with tears as she buried her face in his chest. "Erin? Do you want to tell me what happened?" Jay asked quietly, holding her as tightly as he could without hurting her ribs.

Erin was silent for a while, trying to find the words to speak. He knew somewhere deep down what had happened to her, he just didn't want to even think about it. Eventually Erin broke the silence, whispering so quietly Jay could hardly hear her. "Nadia was there... I was trying to talk to her... Then... And then... This guy... He just came out of nowhere... He knocked me down... And he... He... I couldn't make him stop... I tried... I fought and I... I just couldn't make him stop..." She broke off at the end, the tears flowing down her cheek. It took Jay a moment before he was able to speak. Seeing Erin so upset, hearing what had happened, made him want to go out there and hunt the guy down. He was sure Voight would agree with him. After he got hold of his anger, he spoke quietly. "It's ok Erin, I'm here. He can't hurt you." He held her while she cried, not knowing what else to say to comfort her. There was so much he wanted to ask her, but he knew she wouldn't be able to talk about it at the moment, he'd have to wait until she was ready, if she ever was.

Once Erin had fallen asleep Jay slipped out of the bed, being careful not to awake her, she looked exhausted and clearly needed the rest. He pulled out his phone and dialed Voight's number. "We need to talk." He said as Voight answered.

"This better be good Halstead!" Voight said, walking in to Jay's apartment eyeing him suspiciously. After looking at Jay's expression he realised it was worse than he'd thought. "Is she ok?" He asked Jay quickly, Erin was like a daughter to him and the idea that anything might have happened to her was killing him. "She's fine... But some guy... He..." Jay didn't know how to tell Voight, the thought of what happened making him feel sick to his stomach. He explained to Voight what Erin had told him, Voight's expression made it clear he had similar feelings to Jay. After a moments silence Voight spoke. "He's not getting away with this." Voight said harshly. Jay nodded, agreeing completely. They were going to teach that guy a lesson. Jay was about to speak, but he was cut off by the sound of Erin screaming. He rushed in to the bedroom, closely followed by Voight, to find Erin thrashing around in the middle of the bed, still fast asleep. He shook her gently to wake her, holding her tightly as she woke up and immediately burst in to tears. He looked up at Voight, who's expression was an unusual mixture of furious and heartbroken. It was clear from his face that the guy who'd hurt Erin wouldn't know what had hit him when they got hold of him.


	9. Chapter 9

Erin and Jay stayed home for the next few days, Voight had told them both to take as long as they needed. Everytime they asked Erin how she was she'd say she was fine, but everynow and then she'd do something that hinted at what was going on in her head. Jay had noticed the little things, like the way she flinched if he walked up behind her a little too quietly. Or how she cried sometimes during the night when she thought he was asleep. He tried to talk to her, but she was slowly shutting him out, and he had no idea what to do about it. Voight was working on tracking the guy down, him and Jay both hoping that some sense of justice might help Erin. But in reality neither of them was entirely sure what had gone on in that alley, they'd got a good idea from what they'd pieced together, but Erin still wouldn't talk to either of them about it.

Last night had been particularly bad. Every time she closed her eyes she could see him. It was as if she was lying on the floor in that alley all over again. Part of her wanted to tell Jay what had happened that night, but another part of her didn't. Speaking about it made it feel real, if she pretended it was all a bad dream then maybe she could deal with it. She could see the toll it was taking on Jay, he was spending most of his nights trying to comfort her after she woke up screaming, the lack of sleep was evident on his face. She felt like maybe she should go back to her own apartment, he didn't deserve to be burdened with her troubles, but the thought of being on her own in that apartment made her feel sick to the stomach.

She eventually found the motivation to get out of bed and go and get some breakfast. She wasn't even hungry but she knew Jay would worry if she didn't eat anything. She did a double take as she walked out of the bedroom to find Jay and Voight sat in the kitchen together. Given the fact that Voight had punched Jay at the hospital she'd hardly expected them to be acting like partners in crime. Jay cringed internally as he saw Voight's jaw clench. He knew Voight was having a tough time getting used to the idea of him and Erin as a couple, and seeing Erin wandering around Jay's apartment in one of Jay's shirts was not helping.

"How you doin' kid?" Voight asked Erin as she sat down at the table with them. She shrugged, staring down at the table. She was worried if she looked either of them in the eye they might be able to see all the emotions she was trying to hide from them. Voight and Jay shared a knowing look as Erin continued to stare down at the table. After a few moments silence Voight stood up to leave, the sound of the chair legs scraping on the floor making Erin visibly flinch. "I'll be in touch Halstead." Voight said quietly, before heading for the door.

Jay paced around the apartment not knowing what to do. He didn't think he'd ever taken this long off work in his life. Erin still wouldn't talk to him, he'd tried to suggest they go for a walk but she'd point blank refused to leave the house. Voight was still struggling to find the guy, and there were still so many questions from that night that were unanswered. He'd asked Erin how she'd got to the hospital, she'd said she couldn't remember. He didn't know if she genuinely couldn't remember or she just didn't want to tell him. There was a lot she wasn't telling him about that night.

He sat down opposite her on the sofa, gently talking her hands. "Talk to me Erin... Please?" He pleaded for the hundredth time. He didn't think it would make any difference, but he had to keep trying. He couldn't give up on her. She looked up, her eyes meeting his, and how empty they were broken his heart. He was used to seeing her eyes sparkling, full off life. Some of that sparkle had faded after the trouble with Nadia, but after this latest incident they were empty. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. How was she supposed to find the words? She sympathised with the victims they saw at the district even more now she was on the other side of it. She wanted to tell him, she knew he'd help her, but there was a part of her that was worried if he knew the whole story he'd be disgusted, that he'd kick her out of his apartment. After all, people like her never got a happy ending. As much as she tried to kid herself, no matter what Voight told her, her and Nadia were not all that different. This had definitely reminded her of that.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've been working nights this week so I've done nothing but work and sleep! Enjoy and please leave a review!

* * *

Erin lay awake in bed again, as she had done every night for the week since she'd been released from hospital. She looked over at Jay, who was snoring gently beside her. She could see the impact that worrying about her was having on him. She needed to pull her self together, for his sake. They both needed some normality in their lives. She looked over at the clock, rolling gently out of bed trying not to wake Jay. She walked quietly through into the bathroom and turned on the shower. As she stared at herself in the mirror she could see why Jay was so worried. The dark circles around her eyes, the slightly fading bruises that covered her skin. She took off her pyjamas and got into the shower. As she stood there with the water running over her she stared at the bruises on her arms. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as the images came flooding back. 

_Erin shivered and pulled her coat closer around her. It was freezing out, something she hadn't given much thought to when she'd snuck out in the middle of the night. She'd left in a hurry, desperately trying to get out before Jay could wake up and stop her. She knew he wouldn't agree with her going out to find Nadia, he'd made that very clear. She felt awful, leaving him there with no explanation, but she needed to do this. She couldn't just give up on Nadia, as much as she knew she would. As she walked down the street she kept turning her head to check over her shoulder. She hated this area of town, and she felt particularly vulnerable without Jay there for backup. She peered down into the dark alleyway she'd been headed for, the last place she'd seen Nadia._

_As she walked down the dark alley, she immediately regretted not bringing a torch. It was much darker down the enclosed alley than it had been on the street, and walking down into the unknown was making her even more tense. "Nadia?" She called tentatively into the darkness. There was no response so she tried again more loudly. "Nadia?" She kept moving forwards, waiting for a response. Just as she was about to call out again Nadia suddenly appeared in front of her out of nowhere, causing Erin to physically jump. "What are you doing here?" Nadia demanded. Erin looked at Nadia for a moment, waiting for her racing heart to slow down before she spoke. "I want to help you Nadia. Please, let me help you?" she said quietly. Nadia looked at her for a moment, silently. "Please Nadia?" Erin said again, shivering as she pulled her coat closer again. Nadia was looking at something over Erin's shoulder. She wanted to turn around and look, see what Nadia was looking at, but she had a feeling when she turned back around Nadia would be gone._

_She immediately regretted not turning around as she felt a hand grab her from behind and shove her into the wall at the side of the alley. "Ahh" she winced as she felt her head connect with the wall. She tried to move her hand up to her head to see if she was bleeding but she couldn't. Opening her eyes she realised the reason she couldn't move her hands was the fact they were being pinned down at her sides. She tried to fight him, trying to free her hands, but the more she struggled the tighter he held her. She could feel the panic rising as he moved closer, backing her right up against the wall so there was no space between them. He laughed, going to reach around for her purse. As he did Erin's brain started to work again. If she couldn't fight him with her hands she'd use her feet. She kicked out hard, catching him in the knee., hoping he'd let go. The impact caught him off guard, causing him to loosen his grip on her wrist. Erin knew this was her chance to get away. Wrenching her hands free she turned and started to run back up the alley. She kept running as fast as she could, hearing his footsteps behind her. She could see the end of the alley way when she felt his hands grab the back of her hair, dragging her back in. She tried to scream, hoping maybe someone would come and help her, but his other hand was over her mouth. He flung her down on the floor, the impact of her head hitting the floor making everything go black for a few seconds. When she opened her eyes again he was leaning over her, laughing in her face._

Erin screamed as she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Erin?" Jay asked, looking concerned. She hadn't even heard him come in to the bathroom. As he reached behind him for a towel she realised the water had gone cold. She stood there, frozen to the spot as Jay turned off the water and wrapped a towel around her, helping her out of the shower. He looked at her, waiting for some kind of explanation. He groaned as the sound of the doorbell echoed through the apartment. "Wait here." He said, squeezing her arm gently. He opened the door to find Voight on the other side. He frowned as he looked at Voight, who'd got a scratch down the left side of his face, a swollen left eye and a split lip. He wanted to ask, but he wasn't sure how far his and Voight's new found friendship would allow him to pry. "It's done Halstead." Voight said, nodding before he turned and walked away. Jay shut the door again, confused. He knew what Voight was talking about, but what did he mean done? He knew he'd probably never find out. He walked back through the apartment to find Erin perched on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in the towel. He sat next to her, putting his arm around her waist. She leant her head on his shoulder. "I owe you an explanation…" She said quietly.


	11. Chapter 11

Erin sat there, staring at Jay. He'd been silent since she'd finished telling him what had happened down that alley. The silence was worrying her, maybe she shouldn't have told him afterall. Jay knew he needed to say something, but he needed to get his emotions under control before he could speak. He wanted to go out and give that guy a taste of his own medicine. Suddenly it wasn't enough for Jay knowing that Voight had dealt with it, he wanted his own chance for revenge. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He didn't know what he could say to Erin that would make her feel any better. He reached out and took her hand in his own. "It's going to be ok." He said quietly, it was all he could say at that moment. His brain was still trying to process what she had told him. "I know." Erin replied, smiling at him as she squeezed his hand.

They sat there like that for a while before Erin spoke. "Come on, I want to go to the district." She said. Jay looked at her for a moment, she could tell he was wondering if it was a good idea. "Come on, I'm fine. Besides, we're going for a social visit. It's not like I'm going back to work right now!" She stood up, hands on hips waiting for him. Jay nodded, he wanted to speak to Voight anyway. "Fine, but I'm driving!" He said, getting up to get him coat. He laughed as he heard Erin groan behind him. "I hate your driving!" She whined. Jay just laughed as he picked up the car keys and followed her out of the door.

They walked in to the district hand in hand. Platt had rushed out from behind the desk to greet Erin as they'd walked in, totally ignoring Jay. "Why does she love you so much? She hates me!" Jay question Erin as they walked to the stairs. Erin laughed. "I have no idea- She just always has!" Jay laughed with her, pleased to see her so happy.

"Look who it is!" Antonio called, coming out from behind his desk to give Erin a hug. Ruzek and Olinsky came over to, surrounding Erin. Jay took the opportunity to slip in to Voight's office unnoticed. Voight looked up as he heard the door open. "Halstead." He nodded. He looked at Jay, who was shifting uncomfortably, waiting for him to speak. "Whatever it is, spit it out Halstead!" He said impatiently. Jay looked at his boss again, wondering if this was overstepping the mark. "When you said it was done… What did you do? Because I need to know he's not coming back-" The look Voight gave him cut him off. That had definitely been overstepping the mark. "Do you not trust me Halstead? When I say something is done I mean it's done. End of discussion!" Voight glared at Halstead, waiting for him to get the message. Jay nodded, before quickly turning and leaving. Voight smiled to himself as the door closed, he may have been opposed to the relationship to begin with but he was definitely warming to Halstead, not that he'd admit it.

Jay quickly rejoined the group before anyone had even noticed his absence. "So, when you coming back Lindsay?" Ruzek asked. Erin laughed. "Soon!" She promised, her hand unconsciously moving to her injured ribs. Jay's eyes followed the movement. Despite the fact she'd tried to hide it he'd noticed how sometimes she'd wince if she moved a little too quickly or tried to lift something too heavy. They stayed and chatted for a while. Erin wondered how much the other detectives knew about what had happened to her. No one had asked, so she guessed Voight must have told them something. She left Jay chatting to the other guys and opened Voight's office door. She hadn't seen him since that morning in Jay's kitchen.

"Hey kid!" Voight smiled as she sat down at his desk. "How you doing?" He asked her. "Oh I'm good. I'll be back to work soon!" She said half heartedly. She was distracted by the bruises on Voight's face. She looked down at his knuckles, he'd clearly been fighting with someone. Voight was still talking as she put the pieces together the hushed conversations with Jay. "Please tell me you didn't?" She demanded. She should have known this would happen. Voight looked at her, surprised by the sudden change of tone in her voice. "Didn't what?" He questioned, hoping he could plead ignorance. "You know full well what I mean! How could you two do this?!" She screeched, standing up and heading for the door. "Erin! Say what you like about me but Halstead had nothing to do with it! Did you really think I was going to let that guy get away with what he did to you?!" Voight yelled back.

Erin didn't bother responding, slamming his office door loudly before heading straight for the stairs. Antonio, Ruzek and Olinsky gave Halstead a questioning look as Erin stormed out. Jay shook his head. "I'd better go…" He said, motioning to the stairs. Antonio laughed. "Good luck with that one!" He called as Jay walked down the stairs. He found Erin outside leaning against the car. She smiled at him. "Sorry." She said. Jay just laughed as he climbed into the car. "Let's get you home!" He said, starting the car. "Please can I drive?" Erin whined again. She really did hate his driving. Jay laughed, looking at her. "No way! I'm making the most of this!" He said, driving off.


	12. Chapter 12

"Jay! Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Erin yelled through the apartment. She'd been back at work for a week now and they'd been late every single day. "I'm coming!" Jay yelled back at her. Erin sighed, shaking her head. "I'll be in the car!" She called back to him, not waiting to hear his answer. Erin opened the front door to find two people on the otherside. "Hi, sorry… I think we must be in the wrong place. We were looking for Jay Halstead?" The woman asked. Erin smiled at her, slightly confused. "Actually, you're in the right place. I'm Erin, I'm-" She hesitated, not really sure what to call herself. Was she his girlfriend? Thankfully she was saved from having to answer by Jay coming to the door.

"Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?" He asked, confused about why his parents were on his doorstep. "Well, if you stop returning my calls this is what happens!" His mom joked. "Now, don't be so rude Jay, aren't you going to introduce us to this lovely lady?" She asked, looking back at Erin who was standing next to Jay awkwardly. Jay turned to look at Erin. "Mom, Dad… This is Erin, my girlfriend." He said proudly, putting his arm around Erin. Erin smiled back at Jay. It felt weird, him calling her his girlfriend. Weird in a good way though she decided. Before his parents could speak again Jay spoke. "We were actually on our way to work… We're running late…" He felt awful, he hadn't seen his parents for weeks and now he couldn't even stay long enough to speak to them. "Yeah well if you didn't take so long to get ready we wouldn't be late!" Erin teased, smacking his arm playfully. His parents laughed, "Well, why don't you two come over for dinner tonight when you're done?" His mom asked. They agreed, before heading to the car quickly.

They both dashed up the steps to intelligence, Erin glancing at her watch. They were only 15 minutes late, hopefully it would be a quiet day and they wouldn't have missed much. As her and Jay reached the top of the steps Voight glared at them both from where he was standing, briefing the team. They quietly slid behind their desks, listening to what Voight had to say. Looking at the file in front of her Erin quickly caught on to what was happening. They'd been waiting for a dealer to make a move for a while now, but he'd disappeared without a trace, but Antonio had word from one of his CI's that there was a deal going down today, and they'd finally got their chance to stop him.

Erin could feel her stomach knot in anticipation as she strapped on her vest. Things had been quiet since she'd been back, this was the first big case she'd been on. "You ok?" Jay asked quietly, coming up behind her. "I'm fine, let's go!" Erin said, flashing him a smile as they walked out to the car. She shoved her hands in her pockets so he wouldn't see that her hands were shaking. She drove through town slowly, the traffic holding them up. Eventually they reached the spot they'd arranged to meet the rest of the unit at. Parking up out of sight they walked over to the rest of the group where Voight was giving out orders.

Jay was about to follow Erin around to the back of the house when Voight grabbed his elbow. "Watch her back Halstead." He said before heading off to join Antonio. Jay jogged after Erin quickly. Of course he'd have her back, he always did. They got into position at the back of the house, weapons drawn and ready. When Voight gave the signal over the radio they rushed in through the back door, moving quickly through each room. Erin could feel her heart racing from the adrenaline, but thankfully her hands were holding steady this time.

They made their way in to the final room of the house, where they found the guys they were looking for. As they entered the room they were faced with a group of five men, all with guns. Erin had to remind herself not to panic. They'd been in worse situations before. Seeing one guy reach for the gun on the table in front of him she pointed her weapon directly at him. "Don't even think about it. I swear to god I'll put you on the floor!" She yelled at him. Thankfully, he had the sense the leave the gun where it was. As the rest of the unit arrived behind them they moved forward, getting the men into handcuffs.

Erin had got one handcuff on the guy she had, when he suddenly spun around and managed to kick her straight in the side. The pain that radiated from her freshly healed ribs was excruciating. "Aaah!" She winced, focusing on keeping hold of the guy. There was no way she was going to let him go. She put all her body weight into pinning him against the wall, desperately trying to get hold of his free hand. She was more than relieved when Voight appeared out of no where and grabbed hold of the guy. She'd forgotten for a moment how angry she'd been with Voight- just glad he'd been there to help. As she led the guy away towards the waiting car Voight tried to speak. "Erin I-" Erin spun round to look at him, keeping a tight hold on the guy next to her. "Save your breath, I don't want to hear it." She called back to him, shoving the guy in to the back of a car.

Jay finished wrestling with one of the bigger guys and walked back to the car to find Erin leaning against the side of the car. He leant against the car next to her, putting an arm around her. "You ok?" He asked, noticing the way she was holding her ribs. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm fine, just unfit and out of practice!" She lied, not wanting him to worry. "What time are we supposed to be at your parents?" She asked him. Jay looked down at his watch. "10 minutes ago!" They both jumped in the car, Jay driving because Erin had no idea where his parents lived.

It only took another 10 minutes to get to his parents house. His mom opened the door as they got out of the car. "I'm sorry mom, we got held up at work!" Jay felt awful. His mom smiled. "I figured, you know you could have waited long enough to take your vests off!" She laughed. Erin and Jay looked down and laughed, undoing their vests. They'd been in such a rush to get there they'd totally forgotten. "Honestly, the neighbours are going to think you're here to arrest me! Come on in, don't just stand there on the doorstep!" His mom said, pulling Erin inside. Jay laughed, heading back down the steps to put their vests in the car.

In the two minutes he'd left Erin alone in the house his Mom had immediately got out the baby photos. Erin was sat there, giggling at a photo of a much younger Jay, dressed in some ridiculous outfit. "Oh god, mom!" Jay moaned, he was never going to hear the end of it. He sat down next to Erin, trying to take the book off her. "No way! This is priceless!" Erin laughed. Jay shook his head, "I'm so gonna get you back for this!" He joked.

They drove back home much later, Erin still teasing him about the baby photos as they walked into the apartment. "Just you wait 'til I show the rest of the unit this!" Erin laughed, pulling a copy of a photo out of her pocket. "No way!" Jay said, running out of the kitchen. He chased Erin through the apartment, trapping her in the corner in the bedroom. Erin made a desperate attempt to hold the photo up out of his reach, forgetting for a moment he was much taller. He took the photo out of her hand without even having to stretch. "Nice try Lindsay!" He laughed quietly, screwing up the photo and tossing it back into a corner.

Neither of them made any attempt to move after Jay had got the photo. Erin stayed where she was, her back pressed up against the wall and Jay's skin pressed up against hers. Slowly, she trailed her hands upwards, knotting them into his hair as she closed the remaining distance between them. She smiled as their lips met, feeling Jay's arms close around her waist. He gently guided her away from the wall and towards the bed. As they fell backwards on to the bed together, Jay pulled back for a moment and looked at her, a huge grin on his face. "What?!" Erin demanded, causing Jay to laugh. "Just thinking about how lucky I am…" He said, leaning back down to kiss her again. "Me too." Erin whispered against his skin.


	13. Chapter 13

Erin woke the next morning wrapped in Jay's arms, his fingers trailing gently over her bare skin. She smiled as she felt him press his lips to the top of her head. "Morning sleepy!" He said quietly. She twisted slightly in his arms so she could look up at him. "Morning" She smiled, kissing him. Jay laughed. "I could get used to waking up to this.." He said quietly. They still hadn't talked about whether Erin was going back to her apartment or not, Jay was desperately hoping she was going to stay, he couldn't imagine her not being there now. Erin looked up at him again, looking at him seriously. "I think we could probably sort that out…" She said, looking at Jay mischievously. Jay laughed, raising an eyebrow at her. "Oh yeah? How are we going to do that then?" He asked, playing along. She rested her hands on his chest, her face inches from his. "You could always ask me to move in with you?" She said quietly. Her heart was racing as the words left her mouth. She knew it was totally illogical, but there was a tiny part of her that still feared that Jay might reject her. Jay smiled at her, cupping her cheek gently with his hand. "I think that could work… Would you like to move in?" He asked, already knowing the answer. Erin didn't say anything else, just pressing her lips to his in response.

Later that day the pair dragged themselves out of bed and headed to Erin's apartment, making the most of their day off. Erin laughed as Jay struggled to walk up the steps to her apartment carrying the empty boxes they'd brought to put her stuff in. "Come on! Hurry up!" She called to him, laughing as he tried to feel his way up the steps. "You know you could actually help me!" He called back to her jokingly. Erin stood at the top of the steps, hands on her hips, waiting for him. "But where would be the fun in that?" She laughed, playfully smacking his shoulder as he joined her at the top of the steps. "Just open the door woman before I drop these!" He moaned dramatically as Erin unlocked the door. They spent most of the day packing Erin's things. It didn't take them too long in the end, she hadn't got much apart from clothes. Jay hadn't failed to notice the lack of photos or anything remotely personal in her apartment. It was sad, his apartment was filled with photos of his family, and it just reminded him of the fact she didn't have anyone. He knew his mom would happily have Erin as an adoptive daughter. He hadn't told Erin, but she'd texted him last night to say how much she liked Erin. He was smiling to himself as he lifted the boxes out to the car when Erin interrupted his train of thought. "What's with the stupid grin?" She asked him, taking the box from him to put in the car. Jay looked at her, he couldn't tell her what he was thinking, she'd freak out. No, he was better to keep it to himself. "Nothing" He smiled, causing Erin to raise her eyebrows, wondering what it was that he wasn't telling her.

As they got out of the car, Jay went straight to the back of the car to start lifting the boxes out. As Erin went to join him, she heard a voice behind her. "Well, what's going on here?" She recognised the familiar raspy voice. She ignored him, she still hadn't forgiven him. She'd talk to him about work but nothing else. She picked up a box and started to walk in the direction of Jay's, now their, apartment. She was almost at the steps when Voight darted in front of her, grabbing hold of the box. "Erin! Please?" He said. He couldn't understand why she was so angry with him. Did she really expect him to just let that guy walk away. "What do you want Voight?" Erin spat back at him. She'd loved Voight's over protectiveness as a child, but now she was just furious. When was he going to learn he couldn't just solve everything with his fists.

Jay came back out of the apartment to find Erin yelling in Voight's face. He cringed, she was furious. He'd only ever seen her like this once before, when they'd finally caught the guy using young girls to smuggle drugs. After a moments hesitation he made his way down the steps, putting his hand on Erin's shoulder. He knew if he didn't break this up soon then Erin was going to say or do something she was going to regret. "Erin, come on." He said, pulling gently on her shoulder. When she didn't move he took her hand, pulling more firmly towards the steps. Erin stopped yelling at Voight for a moment, looking up at Jay. He was right, she needed to calm down. She let him lead her up the steps, leaving Voight stood alone at the bottom of the steps, holding the box of Erin's things. Jay shut the door firmly behind them, locking it incase Voight was stupid enough to follow them in. He put his arms around Erin who buried her face in his chest as he held her tightly. "I'm sorry." She muttered quietly, she didn't know what was wrong with her. She didn't think she'd ever yelled at Voight like that in all the years she'd known him. "It's ok." Jay said, gently running his fingers over her skin. He waited a while, waiting for her to calm down. "I'll go get the rest of your stuff. You stay put." He said, leaving her sat on the sofa.

Jay groaned internally as he walked out of the door to find Voight sat on the bottom step. "I need to talk to her Halstead!" Voight said as Jay reached the bottom step. Jay considered it for a moment before shaking his head. "It's not a good idea Voight, just go home. She'll talk to you when she's ready." Jay said quietly, preparing himself. He didn't think Voight would appreciate being told what to do. Much to Jay's surprise Voight just shook his head in defeat. "I did it for her Halstead… Just make sure she understands that." Voight said, turning to walk away. "I know Voight, she'll come around eventually." Jay called after him, picking up the final boxes and heading back into the apartment. He shook his head slightly, wondering how on earth he'd ended up in the middle of Erin and Voight.


	14. Chapter 14

A/n: Thanks again guys for all the reviews! Enjoy.

* * *

Erin rolled over, stretching out in the bed. She opened her eyes to find Jay smirking at her, again. "What?!" She demanded, smacking his bare chest playfully. Jay laughed, pulling her closer to him. "Nothing, can't I smile at my own girlfriend any more?" Jay asked, pretending to be hurt. Erin drew in a deep breath, feeling his fingers trail up over her bare skin. She rolled on to her side so she was facing him. Drawing herself upwards she whispered in his ear. "That depends…" She whispered. Jay smiled again, feeling her hot breath on his cheek, her hands on his chest. "On what?" He asked, pressing his lips to her cheek. Erin pulled back, smiling at him again before leaning down to meet his waiting lips. 

They got a call from Voight an hour later. Or rather Jay did, Erin was still refusing to speak to Voight unless it was absolutely necessary for work. Jay was left rather awkwardly in the middle of the two. He'd promised Voight that he'd talk to Erin, try to get her to see sense. That task, however, had proved rather difficult. Jay recalled a huge row they'd had over it earlier in the week, ending with Erin storming out of his apartment, only to return five minutes later realising she didn't have anywhere else to go now she was living with him. Jay had apologised, they'd called it a truce, with Jay promising not to bring it up. The only problem with that was Voight was still pestering him, he wasn't sure who he was more afraid of, Voight or Erin. 

They headed into the district together, hand in hand as they always did now. As they sat at their respective desks, reading the files Antonio had handed round, Jay looked up at Erin. How on earth had they ended up needing to talk to Nadia- _again_?! Erin looked up, meeting Jay's eyes. She knew he'd be worrying about her, but she was ready for this. She needed to face her demons and put them to bed for the last time. She motioned to the door, Jay nodding in agreement, trying to read her facial expression but she wasn't giving anything away. 

They sat in the car together, Erin driving as always. Jay didn't even argue anymore, he was used to it. He sat there, wondering if Erin would bite his head off if he asked her how she was. She was gripping the steering wheel tightly, refusing to meet his eyes. As she parked the car she looked over at Jay. "I'm fine." She assured him, climbing out of the car. Jay followed, taking her hand as they walked over to the entrance. She squeezed his hand tightly as they walked in to the entrance. Erin let go of his hand, walking over to the reception desk. Jay watched as she flashed her badge, having a conversation with the nurse before walking back to him. "Let's go." She said, taking his hand again. 

Erin was silent as they walked through the hospital, dropping his hand when they reached the room the nurse had sent them to. "Wait here." She said. Jay looked at her for a moment, wondering if it was a good idea. "Please?" She added, not waiting for his answer. Taking a deep breath she opened the door. Nadia was lying in the bed, covered in bruises, looking much like Erin a few weeks ago. "You came!" Nadia said, giving Erin a small smile, wincing. Erin was silent, walking over to sit next to the bed. "Why am I here Nadia?" She asked. She knew someone needed to talk to Nadia, but she wasn't sure why it had to be her. Maybe Voight was after some payback, she thought. 

Nadia was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "I…. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am Erin…. I just left you there… while he… he… I should have stopped him… but I just…. He would have killed me…"Nadia broke off. Erin looked over at her, she couldn't really blame Nadia for what had happened, as much as she'd wanted to blame someone. "It's ok Nadia, really. It's not your fault." Erin said, reaching out to take Nadia's hand. "Now I need you to tell me what happened ok?" She said, letting go of Nadia's hand. 

Jay was waiting nervously outside the room, pacing the hall. He wasn't sure how Erin was going to handle this, she was strong but this was asking a lot. He let out a sigh of relief when the door opened. Erin came out, immediately walking up to him and letting him hold her tightly. Jay peered down at her questioningly, trying to judge how it had gone. "It's fine Jay, really. I'm stronger than you think, and besides I've got you now. Let's go!" She smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek before leading him down the corridor. Jay smiled as he followed, things had worked out ok after all.


	15. Chapter 15

_Hi guys, sorry it's taken me so long, I've been meaning to write something to wrap this up for quite some time, sorry it's only short but I just wanted to give it a little closure._

Jay kept looking at in the rear view mirror at Nadia. It was his and Erin's day off and they'd just been to pick Nadia up from the hospital. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Erin had been in that situation once, it just didn't seem possible. He met Erin's eyes in the mirror and smiled at her. He was relieved that Nadia had agreed to go in to rehab, he didn't think Erin would have managed to cope with much more. He just hoped the girl managed to get her life straightened out, Erin was living proof it was possible.

It was a short journey to the rehab clinic, Jay sitting outside in the car while Erin took Nadia inside. He was getting worried, they seemed to be in there for a long time, but he eventually spotted Erin walking back towards the car. Much to his relief she was smiling. She sat down in the passenger seat and turned to face him. "Thank you.." She said, squeezing his arm. She knew he'd been opposed to the idea at first but he'd come around thankfully, she was glad to have the opportunity for some closure with Nadia if nothing else. Jay smiled back at her. "Anytime." He said, starting the car and driving off.

They got back to the apartment quickly, the traffic was light. Jay sat on the sofa, smiling to himself as he watched Erin dance around the kitchen singing to herself. He'd forgotten what his life was like before her. The apartment always seemed too quiet on days she went out. Erin looked up from the pan she was stirring and caught his eye, giving him a mischievous smile. "Can I help you?" She laughed, walking closer to him. Jay laughed, getting to his feet and moving closer to her. "Just thinking about how much I love you.." He said, putting his hands on her waist and pulling her closer. She smiled up at him, leaning in towards him. "Well you are pretty lucky to have me..." She teased, making him laugh again. "I am..." He whispered, pressing his lips to hers. Being there with him like that made her feel as though her past was another lifetime entirely, and in many ways it was- she was just glad to be getting her happily ever after with the man she loved.


End file.
